learn to swim bitch

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

Anonymous asked:

saw your reply on a post and I just wanted to say; tumblr has no algorithm! If you see something that disturbs you, it's coming from inside the house (your followers/mutuals)! that's why the hellsite is so special. you flashbang yourself by accident <3

okay, 1) i’ve been here since 2012, bitch. i remember when the dash was fully illegible if too many people responded to a thread. i would copy and paste posts into a word document to figure out the joke. don’t you take that tone.

2) i know what post you’re referring to. it was *not* a post reblogged by someone i follow. it was suggested “based on my likes”. and unless posts suggested “based on my likes” are put on my feed via random number generator (which it really felt like they were until i turned that feature off), then there IS an algorithm. just a really, really shitty one. that’s why i referenced it.

Pinned Post now GET OFF MY LAWN thank you anonymous user for allowing me a taste of the outrage i will feel constantly as a 70 year old overlooking the blasted wasteland i appreciate your educational spirit and 'you flashbang yourself <3' is an incredible phrase just not applicable in this instance also um actually a random number generator would still be AN algorithm because an algorithm is a set of instructions given to a computer 'generate a random number and show the post it corresponds to' IS an algorithm of a sort
grimvagary
grimvagary

my mom got me these little mini bottles of wine and i discovered tonight that the reason she gave them to me was because she couldn't open them. They've just got these little thin plastic/aluminum tops so after i got frustrated i just fully punched a hole in the top with a bottle opener and poured it out into a jar because i'm out of glasses and nothing makes you feel like a desperate alcoholic than spending over 5 minutes trying to get alcohol but good news everyone! it tastes like shit.

grimvagary

also my shitty iphone audio adapter keeps shorting out and i’m going to track down whoever removed jacks from phones and personally decapitate them with a wire garotte i made from ripping apart my shitty iphone earpods

STILL FINE!!!! :) :)

my mom got me these little mini bottles of wine and i discovered tonight that the reason she gave them to me was because she couldn’t open them. They’ve just got these little thin plastic/aluminum tops so after i got frustrated i just fully punched a hole in the top with a bottle opener and poured it out into a jar because i’m out of glasses and nothing makes you feel like a desperate alcoholic than spending over 5 minutes trying to get alcohol but good news everyone! it tastes like shit.

i'm fine!!!! :)